so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
