I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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