CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
