My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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