Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Lo siento on account of my penis...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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