batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
