No awkward lesbian experiences without me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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