She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
