Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
