We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
