It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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