We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
