Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
