Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
