I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
