To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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