i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
