So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
