he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
