My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
