I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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