I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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