Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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