Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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