great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
