the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's never too late to be topless.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
