i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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