the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
