Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
