Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
