It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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