Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
