The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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