So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
