The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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