so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
