Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is it because I queefed?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
