I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
