I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
