Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He uses pillows to masturbate.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
May the power of my ass compel you!!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
