If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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