I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
