I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize