Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
