was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
