Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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