And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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