i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I have already put on my inside pants.
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