So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
