He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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