you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
