then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
