I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Holy sore nipples Batman
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
